Today's by-election in Gorton and Denton promises to be a pivotal moment in British politics—if the Reform or Green parties win, that is. Such a victory would apparently signal a seismic shift, with the potential to rewrite the political rulebook entirely. However, if Labour holds onto the seat, it's just another day in the office, folks.

Journalist Martin Bishop quips that a Reform victory would bring about a 'turquoise tsunami,' suggesting an embrace of relaxed gun laws and mandatory lunchtime drinking for men. Conversely, a Green win is likened to an 'emerald rainstorm,' hinting at a Britain ready for uncontrolled immigration and mandatory beards.

Meanwhile, a Labour win merely postpones Starmer's resignation, awaiting more twists in the Mandelson saga. And as for a Conservative win? Well, that's just a fantasy, right?

Local voter Steven Malley voices his concerns about fly-tipping, pondering whether to vote Green for their environmental stance or to heed his pub mate Paul's warning that it's all the immigrants' doing.