Members of the England cricket team say their perfectly relaxing golf holiday in Noosa has been “completely derailed” by the sudden and unexpected requirement to play cricket, with players told the Third Test is due to start in Adelaide today.

The players, who had travelled to Noosa for what they believed was a six-week Queensland golfing retreat with light cardio, say they were shocked to discover that Cricket Australia had snuck in several Test matches without proper warning.

“It’s incredibly disruptive,” captain Ben Stokes said from the fairway on the third hole. “You’re lining up a beautiful approach onto the green and suddenly someone’s yelling, ‘Mate, you’re meant to be in Adelaide by Wednesday.’ Do you know how difficult it is to put together a decent scorecard when you’ve got to take two days, maybe three, out of your golf practice at short notice? It’s actually quite disrespectful.”

Another player said he was totally blindsided by the requirement to play cricket. “I’ve spent the last week and a half working on my technique, ironing out some issues with my stance, and now I’m told I’m going to need to pack up my clubs and play a game of cricket? It’s a bit much.”

England coach Brendon McCullum defended his players, saying they deserved a holiday after playing six days of test cricket since July. “It’s been a gruelling schedule. They’re probably over-prepared, if I’m honest.”