Australian households will have to cut spending and pay more on their mortgages because an emotionally-stunted, validation-obsessed man-child 15,000 kilometres away wants to look tough.

As part of their reasoning for yesterday’s interest rate rise, the Reserve Bank cited “international factors”, which roughly translates to, “an emotionally-fragile egomaniac in an entirely different country started a war that he now can’t exit because he is psychologically unequipped to admit defeat”.

Experts say households across Australia are cancelling annual holidays, cutting back on groceries and reducing other spending because the 79-year-old little boy is out of his depth but doesn’t have the self-awareness or interpersonal skills to do anything about it.

“While it’s distressing that many Australians are doing it extra tough right now, it is good to know that the cause of all of this is some thin-skinned, narcissistic arseclown in America who is unable to regulate his emotions,” a translated transcript for the Reserve Bank’s statement read.

The cash rate will rise to just above four, which coincidentally is the emotional age of the man responsible for the rate rise.