Critics have slammed the biopic Michael for omitting the sexual abuse he was accused of. So what other changes might be made to music films to avoid upsetting audiences?

Kurt Cobain uses a nerf gun

Kurt’s death is reimagined with a playful twist, where instead of the tragic reality, he uses a Nerf gun, and he and Courtney Love enjoy a pleasant evening together, leaving audiences untraumatized and ready to buy more tickets.

Led Zeppelin respect groupies as equals

Instead of controversial events, Led Zeppelin is depicted hosting a feminist workshop for groupies, who leave with signed copies of The Second Sex instead of fish scales in awkward places.

L7 mistook a tampon for a mouse

In the sanitized version, L7's lead singer confuses a tampon for a mouse, sparing the audience from the more colorful language and period discomfort.

Elvis stops existing in 1970

The film freezes on a triumphant 1970 performance to skip Elvis’s less glamorous later years, much like Braveheart ignored historical accuracy.

Eric Clapton was at an Enid Blyton convention

To sidestep Clapton’s controversial past remarks, the biopic places him at a fictional Enid Blyton convention, where his impatience is for fan cosplay rather than anything politically incorrect.

Happy Mondays were tiresome wellness fanatics

Forget the substance abuse; this version has the band sipping camomile tea and touting health benefits, with scuffles over yoga mats instead of drugs.

John Lennon was wearing body armour

In this alternate reality, Lennon survives his assassination attempt thanks to a bulletproof vest, allowing him to continue a fictional post-credits life happily collaborating with Paul McCartney.