David Littleproud will keep his position as Nationals leader after a spill motion from [INSERT NAME BEFORE PUBLISHING] was unsuccessful today.

Last week, Mr. Littleproud’s future as leader became uncertain when someone nobody in the country even bothered to Google decided to throw his Akubra in the ring for the leadership.

Intending to make a statement about how his party needed to rejoin the Coalition, the Member from Somewhere-or-Rather made his position known, but failed to do the same for his name.

Across the Parliament press room, Nationals MPs are now scrambling amongst themselves to remember the identity of the person who almost became their party leader just some time ago.

“I could’ve sworn Pauline Hanson was the one who threw down the gauntlet,” shared one Nationals member.

“No, no, no, it was Barnaby who started the spill,” another corrected.

“Neither of them are in our party anymore you dipshits,” said a third, before adding: “It was Abbie Chatfield.”