Domestic extremists are lurking everywhere, ready to strike by opposing self-evidently righteous actions taken by President Trump and myself. Here’s how to spot them:

May drive a car

A car can be used as a weapon, as our heroic ICE agents discovered. Even if a car is moving slowly or parked, the person behind the wheel is as dangerous as an action movie villain, and agents have a moral duty to shoot first and ask questions never.

Could be white

Not every domestic terrorist fits the usual racial profile. Some might seem like ordinary, law-abiding white supremacists but have been corrupted by mainstream media to oppose MAGA, even by voting!

Might be in an area

Professional agitators are often found in Democrat-elected cities, considered hostile territory. ICE agents are merciful for not turning these places into a scene from a post-apocalyptic movie.

May stop ICE doing their job

ICE agents are just doing their jobs, and anyone attempting to stop them, even by accidentally blocking their bullets, is impeding their mission. Thus, they are authorized to unleash a storm of justice... and bullets.

Possibly none of the above

Domestic extremists are sneaky and might hide their true nature behind a facade of innocence. Their lack of obvious villainous traits makes them even more dangerous, and the ICE agent with a smoking gun even more heroic.

Trump didn’t want to do this so he let me do it

Like an ICE agent who gets pardoned and then promoted, I am proud to serve. When President Trump passed the opportunity to cover up a murder to me, I jumped on it quicker than an ICE agent on a donut. Next stop, presidency!