Shortly after texting to express her concern that you were single on Valentine’s Day, your mother is now distressed that you are single on Shrove Tuesday. 

Describing it as a ‘day for togetherness’ and ‘a celebration of the love that makes a house a home’, she went on to say the thought of you making solitary pancakes had her in tears.

She continued: “You’d barely have enough batter to get halfway up the bowl, not when it’s just you. You might as well buy it pre-mixed. Just avoid the pity in the cashier’s eye.

“While others, like your friend Amy who wasn’t absurdly picky and didn’t waste her fertile years, are setting a steaming stack on the table for the family it’s one at a time for you, I suppose. Grimly munched to the light of your phone.

“And toppings! Oh, the toppings a settled couple in a steady relationship will have. Golden syrup, maple syrup, lemon, sugar, strawberries, raspberries, cream, chocolate sauce, toffee sauce, salted caramel sauce. No need to economise when there’s two to share.

“Still you’re making the best of it, with your little pancake pan for one. C-cuts down on the washing up. I’m sorry, that’s set me off again.”

After hanging up, your mother texted a reminder not to eat too many pancakes or you’ll put on weight and die alone.