In his first bold move as the freshly minted President of the Liberal Party, Tony Abbott has decided to catapult the party straight into the 20th century by advocating for Australia's adoption of decimal currency. Yes, you heard that right – decimal currency, the cutting-edge system introduced in 1966.

Abbott's announcement, aimed at attracting a youthful demographic of 60 and 70-year-olds, signals a rejuvenation effort within the party to make the 'big calls.' The pitch is straightforward: out with the florin, in with the future! Sixty years after the official shift, Abbott assures supporters they are finally ready for this revolutionary change.

"This nation has always been at its best when it looks confidently toward the future," Abbott declared, acknowledging the understandable concerns about saying goodbye to the beloved florin. But as he sees it, it's time to embrace those shiny new decimal coins.

However, not everyone in the party is thrilled. Some members fear that moving too quickly might upset the base. "A lot of us are only just getting used to women speaking in meetings. I think he needs to slow down before abandoning the shilling, or there will be a revolt," one party member remarked, hinting at a possible uprising of the shilling loyalists.