Donald Trump has announced that the US will continue its military actions against Iran until the primary objective of reopening the Strait of Hormuz is achieved. The catch? The closure was initially caused by US military operations, sparking a comedic cycle of cause and effect.

At a press conference, Trump nostalgically described the Strait as 'a perfect Strait. A beautiful waterway,' which was bustling with shipping activity before the US began its operations. He joked about Iran's 'terrible mistake' of reacting to the US's aggressive actions, which were themselves a reaction to prior operations, leading to a puzzling cycle of events he couldn't quite recall.

In a tongue-in-cheek statement, administration officials emphasized that the continued strikes are intended to de-escalate the situation, ironically brought about by the strikes themselves. Secretary of State Marco Rubio clarified that Iran could easily end the conflict by simply allowing maritime traffic to resume as it was before the US disrupted it.