THE London Marathon takes place on Sunday, and every Briton who is not lazy and worthless is running it in costume. What are you wearing?

Grace Wood-Morris, handbag rentier: “I’m dressing as a two-bedroom flat in Dalston available for only £1,685 a month, in the hope the crazed hordes chasing me will spur me on and improve my time.”

Emma Bradford, industrial cleaner: “Sexy Sir Olly Robbins. What? Well nobody told me the rules are different from Halloween.”

Jim Bates, dog trainer: “I’m raising £7,500 for motor neurone disease dressed as the late Professor Stephen Hawking and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do about it.”

Donna Sheridan, flare tester: “My costume is of a woman who loves her husband and children but needed to train for six months to prove something obscure to herself, not to avoid them or anything. It’s my running clothes.”

Will McKay, inker: “Where are we on blackface for this one? Still no?”