Valentine's Day is upon us, and once again, lovebirds everywhere are faced with the ultimate relationship test: the supermarket Valentine's card aisle. What does your choice say about your relationship? Let's dive into the deep emotional insights discovered between the milk and the kitchen roll.

£1.50 from Asda

Nothing says a relationship is going smoothly like a £1.50 card from Asda. You're both coasting along, acknowledging each other just enough to keep the partnership ticking over. The kids are fed, the mortgage is paid, and the Valentine's Day sex will be as perfunctory as it is predictable. But hey, the climaxes are satisfactory!

£3.75 from Sainsbury’s

Remember those romantic city breaks to Berlin? Yeah, neither do we. Life's a whirlwind of responsibilities now, and this card is a small token amidst the chaos. You might have forgotten the chocolates, but at least you remembered the card—barely.

£2.50 from Tesco Metro

Ah, the semi-ironic card. Presented with a smirk and the expectation of expensive compensation, it suggests your relationship is doing just fine—especially since you're the hot one. Who needs commitment when you have charm?

£4.50 from Waitrose

In the cold, harsh light of Waitrose, this card represents a marriage steeped in icy formalities. The champagne will flow, but romance? Unthinkable. At least you can afford the finer things in life while you pretend to tolerate each other.

£2.75 from Co-op

Limited options sometimes lead to unexpected love, just like your local Co-op. You might not have chosen each other if there were more choices, but here you are, and it's not so bad. Who needs passion when there's a pub quiz to win?

£4 from M&S Simply Food

Is your love alive, or is it just going through the motions? Either way, the M&S meal deal will see you through the night, complete with a side of mutual oral distractions. Love might be dead, but at least dinner's sorted.