A 26-year-old woman who prides herself on not having one-night stands has instead unnecessarily kept one in her life for two-thirds of a year.

Sophie Rodriguez values herself too much to give sex away cheaply so, after an initial night with Josh Gardner, has subsequently pretended they are in a relationship to justify it.

She said: “I’m too classy to shag and then get dumped so I’ve been dragging Josh around for almost three financial quarters while trying to convince myself I like him.

“It’s much better to realise someone isn’t right for you after a wasted winter over-analysing their texts, rather than the next morning when still unsure what his name is.

“Why let yourself be used when you can embark on long-term psychological combat involving mixed signals, cancelled plans and occasional intimacy every third Friday? Slowly draining one man’s will to live to show I’m not a slag.

“One-night stands objectify women. This hasn’t. Therefore it’s better, even if I am dumping him on Sunday because of incompatibility issues and him being shit in bed.”

Gardner said: “No, I get it, it’s like when you get a free trial for Apple TV, forget to cancel and watch three seasons of Foundation to get your money’s worth it even though it’s bollocks.”