Your ill-informed opinions, and other things you need to vote

Let's hope Green councils don't f**k up as fast as I have. By Zack Polanski

Is this email spam, or is Elon Musk offering you sperm to have his children?

Friends in race to fatten up slimmer

Replacing Grandad with Uncle Albert: Six TV show changes you've still not forgiven

Transcript of White House press conference on why the real enemy in the Middle East is Europe

US Threatens To Keep Bombing Iran Until Access to Straight of Hormuz Returns to How It Was Before Us Started Bombing Iran

Toddlers' sorting blocks, and other tests Trump would claim he's 'aced'

Londoner doesn't believe there are properties under £500,000

Kate going to Italy to take lover

Being gifted £5 million the only thing Farage has done that isn't newsworthy

Flint-faced seaside landladies rubbing hands together at jet fuel shortage

Outside almost ready for you to get pissed in, Britain promised

Interest Rates Rise in Australia Because Some Fuckwit in America Wasn’t Hugged Enough as a Child

Pauline’s New Plane Grounded Until Barnaby Regains Consciousness and Gets off the Wing

Supporters Gather at Four Seasons Total Landscaping To Pray for Rudy Giuliani

Vote Labour to avoid the arseache of a leadership contest

Touchy-feely guy actually secretly horny

How to look as stupid as Met Gala celebrities on a budget

Is my looney Green, or Reform?

Families going away at half-term didn't deserve to

What to do with the rest of your bitter failure of a life now you'll never be a footballer

'I'm afraid your ticket isn't valid on this service,' gasps train conductor, and comes

How I developed an online romance with Mr Chatgibiji, by a 78-year-old grandmother

We ask you: Which dictator should we send King Charles to dance for next?

The Pussycat Dolls, and other bands way too old for their names

Your astrological week ahead for May 2nd, with Psychic Bob